YOUR TURN: Lead by example, even on vacation

We are now home from the beach reunion trip, and I am writing on the road.

Eric is driving on this narrow two-lane highway, and there is noise from the tablets as the headphone cords have apparently stopped working.

Cold AC blasting out of the vents, and I am typing but trying not to get sick as we negotiate the bumpy South Carolina highway terrain and the gentle swerves of country roads. Thinking back on the beach trip makes me think of other beach trips of my childhood and a great part of any trip to the flatlands was getting to bicycle.

When we were kids, the beach was the place to learn how to ride a two-wheeler. I remember a purple bike with a pink seat, plastic tassels wedged into the rubber handles and a plastic woven basket. My dad installing a neon orange flag on the back, and the kids we met up with had plastic beads that plinked along the spokes as the wheels turned.

Our bikes were freedom, and we could ride to the beach or the sound, and around all the flat roads and in those late-80s early 90s days because there just weren’t as many cars or people, so the roads were ours. I grew up in an analog childhood with the only screens being a TV connected to a VHS player, and at the beach, there were limited tapes so it was much better to spend the days outside in the water or flying kites.  

These days in order to see kids outside on bike there have to be a few things in place: the parents have to be home, and kids have to be kicked out of the comfort of the AC, away from the insatiable pull of screens, and probably most importantly the kids and the neighborhood has to have a sense of mutual trust.

In my closest crew we attempt to practice independent parenting - letting the kids do what they can on their own, but sometimes that leads to a little more free spiriting than us moms were intending. This weekend more than one kid decided for themselves to go off on their own and while that exhibits they are empowered to make their own choices, they also have no idea how quickly things could go wrong. In a way, I would rather have my child fearless than fearful, but all parents that negotiate that line have to face the fact that their strong willed independent thinker may choose to go off without anyone knowing where they are.   

When it comes to freedom and responsibility, the two are closely intertwined. We get to make choices especially as we grow older and are expected to do more and more on our own. As school starts back there are reminders to put the bookbags on the hook, shoes in the right place so they are easily found the next time they are needed. Those reminders can be incessant, or they can be simple one-time commands (if the intended audience is focused on receiving the message at that moment). There are needs for reminders and boundaries, and there are times to let our children make their own choices. The hard thing as parents to realize when do we toe the hard line and when do we let grace determine our forgiveness.   

The difference between growing up and being grown, however, is that at some point we have to do the hard things regardless of the day, and the circumstances. Sometimes it’s making those extra efforts to do what’s right even though we are tired, because it’s the right thing to do that show our kids what it means to take responsibility. The extra five minutes to pick up the mess, to put things where they belong will illustrate to our kids what it means to be a responsible person. As silly as it sounds, we have to play by the rules ourselves to show our kids that life has rules and we all need those rules to keep society safe. If that means at the recycling center, we only accept plastic jugs, bottles and things with a neck, that’s it. It’s a rule, and until the way plastics are recycled changes, we have to play by that rule, no matter how silly it may seem.

Same as losing single-stream recycling in your community. You may not like that you lost the convenience, but purposefully choosing to recycle incorrectly at the convenience site serves no one. The people you are trying to act out against are not the convenience site attendants, and you run the risk of losing the ability to return to the site, or worse yet, force the closure of the recycling option for everyone if the contamination remains high.

When we say something is “childish,” we are talking about immaturity, and there are some grown people who might have their moments. There was not single-stream recycling or even separated recycling at our very nice beach condominium. We did the only responsible thing I could think of since we were driving and had room in the car: we packed up our aluminum cans and paperboard and took it home with us, to recycle where I know it will be reused appropriately.

As inconvenient as it was to pack out our recyclables, it shows our kids that we continue to care even if a community does not yet have a system in place to make it easy for everyone. The growth mindset says that we all have the plasticity to change. So whether it’s learning how to ask more questions, being aware of surroundings or choosing to set an example, I hope that we all can learn that we are always growing, and have the ability to forgive and make our world the world we want to live in. For me, that’s a world where kids can be independent and aware, where there is mutual trust, and where we look out for one another and the environment - since without a place to live - there’s nothing to call home.

Becca Hurd is Gaston County's recycling coordinator.