10 alternative Christmas songs for anyone sick of Slade and Wizzard

They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but anyone who’s ever worked in retail or hospitality and been subjected to Christmas songs for a full month might disagree.

The opening trumpets of ‘Stop the Cavalry’ or Noddy Holder screaming “IT’S CHRIIIISSTTMAAAAS” are enough to inspire Vietnam style flashbacks for many. And no, we DON’T wish it could be Christmas every day.

Even that oft-cited example of a good Christmas song, ‘Fairytale of New York’ can get a bit grating after a while – though not half as grating as the yearly debate on THAT word and whether it should be censored.

With that in mind, we’ve put together 10 alternative Christmas songs that you won’t have been hearing over a PA system for the last four weeks and might actually manage to enjoy…

Don’t Shoot Me Santa – The Killers

The Killers release a Christmas song every year and it’s almost always naff, but this 2007 effort hit the spot. It tells the tale of a child, who hasn’t been good to say the least, waiting up for Santa who informs him “that’s funny kid – because I’ve been coming for you”. It’s just the right amount of ridiculous, with a killer chorus.

Christmas In Hollis – Run DMC

You may recognise this one from Die Hard – which is a Christmas film by the way – and if you don’t Jam Master Jay’s infectious beat, which samples Clarence’s Carter’s Back Door Santa, will have it looping around your head well past turkey time. Extra points for using DMC’s real name, Daryl, as a rhyme for carol.

Baby It’s Cold Outside – She & Him

‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ has attracted some unwanted attention in recent years for being… well… a bit creepy. Traditionally the male voice in the song pressures the female one to stay with him, while she asks “say, what’s in this drink?”. Yikes. She & Him (aka Zooey Deschanel and Matthew Ward) switched it up, with the New Girl actress taking on the ‘male’ role and making it altogether less uncomfortable to listen to.

It’s Not Christmas ‘Til Somebody Cries – Carly Rae Jepsen

Let’s face it: extended family time, copious amounts of booze – it’s a deadly combo that means the Christmas Day argument is as much of a tradition as the tree. Carly Rae Jepsen documents the phenomenon here, with an uncle who brings up politics, kids getting up far too early and a vegan boyfriend who’s been served fish.

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Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – Bruce Springsteen

Tongue-in-cheek without being a parody, Springsteen has often performed this Christmas standard on summer tours. The Boss is clearly having a great time here, starting off by asking Clarence Clemons if Santa will be bringing him a new saxophone and audibly giggling as the song goes on.

‘Tis The Damn Season – Taylor Swift

Included on 2020’s Evermore, there’s not much Christmas spirit to be found in Swift’s tale of high school sweethearts reuniting in their home town for the holidays and wondering what might have been. Classic Swiftian details abound as our narrator tells her former lover “we could call it even/you could call me babe for the weekend” as she acknowledges “the road not taken looks real good now”.

I Won’t Be Home For Christmas – Blink-182

This isn’t the only time Blink have delved into the world of the Christmas song, and it remains a crying shame that John Lewis didn’t pick ‘Happy Holidays You B*****d’ for their saccharine advert, the cowards. While the aforementioned is a 42 second blast of profanity clearly included on Take Off Your Pants and Jacket for a laugh, ‘I Won’t Be Home for Christmas’ is an admittedly puerile tale of a someone who assaults the carolers who appear at his door to share festive cheer.

Merry Christmas Everybody – Oasis

Noel Gallagher took Slade’s in-your-face festivity and turned it into a winter’s night by the fireside. His acoustic take on ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’ is well worth checking out even if you’ve heard the original enough times to make your ears bleed.

Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis – Tom Waits

Let’s face it, you’re intrigued by the title alone aren’t you? Sort of a spiritual cousin to ‘Fairytale of New York’ it tells the tale of a prostitute writing to someone about being pregnant and incarcerated, Waits’ unmistakeable voice backed by barroom piano.

It’s Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas – Half Man Half Biscuit

And finally, lest we take ourselves too seriously, Half Man Half Biscuit are here to remind us that no-one thinks it’s cool or interesting to hate Christmas. “You don’t have a tree/and your smile has a fee/all the same here’s a card/for your boring façade” – all the put-down you need for your family grinch.